Joan Rivers enjoys one of the most active schedules in show business. In addition to seemingly nonstop appearances in Las Vegas, Lake Tahoe and Atlantic City, she is preparing two film projects. Robert Crane caught up with her at her palatial Los Angeles estate. He tells us: "Television doesn't show how really lovely she is. She's even funnier in person. And don't believe her when she says she has Jewish thighs."

Q 1

PLAYBOY: You're the sexiest comedienne working today. Despite the fact that you're married, do you get hit on a lot?

Joan Rivers: Yes, I do. A lot more than my husband realizes. I was asked to pose nude, but then I really took a look at my Jewish thighs. No, I do get hit on and it's funny, because the ones who hit on me are very interesting. It's always out-of-town businessmen or real Hollywood dumb machos. The kind who haven't read a book since Dick and Jane and are really impressed when I tell them how it ended.

Q 2

PLAYBOY: Who turns you on?

Joan Rivers: My husband. My manager. Cary Grant, a little younger, though. Roy Scheider, Kris Kristofferson. I have a great fantasy life. I can look at an old Laurence Olivier movie and just have the best time for the next week and a half. Who else turns me on? Dark-haired Italian men that I could tame. Oh, and, well, situations--if I were stuck for days after an earthquake with a really handsome Italian guy and we both were just there together with champagne and fire going. What could I do? I thought the world was over.

Q 3

PLAYBOY: Why is it still difficult for audiences to accept funny women?

Joan Rivers: I don't like funny women. I come out of that generation where the woman should be beautiful and sexy and a wonderful flower attached to a man, even though my whole life has been the antithesis of this. To this day, you don't expect a woman to be funny. That's why someone like Dolly Parton is so wonderful, because she's pretty and yet out of her mouth comes funny. That's like an extra bonus. Or a Loni Anderson. Or Lily Tomlin, who is really very pretty. Nobody likes funny women. We're a threat. I don't like funny women. I don't think I'm funny. I think I'm witty. Also, who I am onstage is not who I am in private life. Tremendous difference. Onstage, I complain for every woman in America. In private life, I'm just a shallow, calculating bitch looking for a rich Arab to take me away. I could clean him up. We could be very happy.

Q 4

PLAYBOY: Being funny is still considered a male thing, especially telling dirty jokes.

Joan Rivers: I don't like to see a woman telling dirty jokes. People say I'm dirty and I always stare at them. My areas are just very "women's" kind of areas. I have a routine now, which my husband hates, that for Christmas he gave me a box of Rely tampons. That's not dirty. I think that's very funny. It's such a woman's joke and it shows what your husband thinks of you. To me, a dirty joke is two nuns and a rabbi were screwing four Chinamen----

Q 5

PLAYBOY: Who makes you laugh?

Joan Rivers: Lenny Bruce, still. I'll still listen to his records. My daughter. Albert Brooks. Jackie Gayle, who is brilliant in a club. Shecky Greene. Johnny Carson. David Brenner makes me laugh. And Rodney Dangerfield, even though a lot of us are very angry at Rodney because he runs around screaming at everybody, "You stole my material." It's a joke now among comedians--"Rodney says I stole this one from him." We laugh because he's so paranoid. But, anyhow, I think Rodney's very funny.

As for women, Lucille Ball is the best of the comedy line. Bea Arthur as Maude, if you're going into character comedy. Carol Burnett is the best sketch performer--ever. Lily Tomlin: You just want to put your arms around her and laugh and protect her at the same time. However, there are a lot of ladies doing comedy these days who should not be doing comedy. I love to see a serious actress who tries to get funny, or a serious actor. You want to go, "Oh, God, go back to drama. It's easier."