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I think we can all agree that America would be a damn fine place were it not for liberals screwing up everything everywhere. How do they keep getting away with it? The problem is liberals are tricky. They get people to vote for their candidates and their causes despite the fact that everybody knows their naked ambition is to ruin America and then turn it over to the terrorists.
Look at Mitt Romney, for God's sake. When the Mittster gave his courageous withdrawal speech to the Conservative Political Action Committee, in February, he had the guts to congratulate the crowd for being willing "to show up, stand up and speak up for conservative principles" and tell the truth about liberals. He got no credit for this, of course, because liberals control the media. There's Rupert Murdoch -- well, okay. But General Electric (which owns NBC), Viacom (which owns CBS) and Disney (which owns ABC), they're all liberals. Sure, GE tries to confuse honest Americans by building nuclear weapons and nuclear power plants, and Viacom's Sumner Redstone said in 2004 that Bush was the best candidate for the business, but we know best. Heck, Disney has been trying to undermine the American family since Minnie let Mickey kiss her without a wedding ring. (No wonder they haven't told us the truth about those Iraqi WMDs.)
The Mittmeister told it like it is: "Liberals' tolerance...of sexual promiscuity" has led to today's "grim realities." No wonder unperverted Americans prefer leaders like Newt Gingrich, Bob Livingston, Henry Hyde and Dan Burton, who commit adultery privately instead of in the Oval Office where everybody can see them. Or Mark Foley, who liked to send the occasional gay come-on IM to a page or two but had the cojones to tell the world what Bill Clinton did was "vile," adding how "sad" he was "to see someone with such potential throw it all down the drain because of a sexual addiction." And don't forget Larry Craig, who complained that Bill Clinton was a "nasty, bad, naughty boy" but forgot to mention, well, that's just the kind he likes. (To be fair, Craig's insistent claim of innocence is at least as compelling as that of Bob Allen, the Florida Republican representative and titular head of the McCain campaign there, who told cops he had offered to perform oral sex in a public bathroom because, as the only Caucasian in the restroom, he felt he was "in danger of being robbed.")
Okay, back to business: liberals. The Mittmobile tried to tell those smarty-pants reporters that liberals want to substitute government largesse for individual responsibility. They fight to strip work requirements from welfare, put more people on Medicaid and "remove more and more people from having to pay any income tax whatsoever." Well, he really got 'em with that one. Sure, President Bush and the Republicans passed a Medicare overhaul that will likely cost as much as $21.9 trillion, of which roughly $16.6 trillion is unfunded. And they needed to break all the House rules and actually prevent companies from offering cheaper prices to consumers. But heck, did Mitt Romney mention Medicare? Nope. Smart fellow. Read the text: "Medicaid." That's the problem. Conservatives rule.
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