EVEN IF YOU'VE NEVER DRIVEN AN ATV, you've heard the horror stories. Between 1982 and 2000, the Consumer Product Safety Commission reported 4,082 fatalities in ATV-related crashes. The industry stopped selling three-wheeled ATVs in lieu of the safer four-wheeled variety, and now ATVs are racking up all time sales figures thanks to the 15 million American riders.

But to avoid a crash, it helps to get a crash course on ATV safety. Amy Rehnelt, a chief instructor for the ATV Safety Institute, knows how to avoid an embarrassing demise. You know, the one that begins: "Herbie swerved to avoid an anteater, but wasn't able to do the same for a sequoia..." An ATV rider for the past 15 years, Rehnelt teaches ATV safety to prospective drivers in Big Sky, Montana. Heed her words of advice when out ripping up dirt roads and sandy beaches and you'll live long and prosper.

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WEAR PROTECTION. There's nothing sexual about losing layers of skin, regardless of what Angelina Jolie may tell ya. And, believe you me, you will bleed if and when you fall from an ATV doing 25 mph over rocky terrain if you're not properly outfitted. You shouldn't have an inch of skin exposed on your body. That means long pants, sleeves, gloves, goggles and, of course, a helmet. And you should wear boots that cover your ankles as well, in case you impulsively attempt to stop a runaway vehicle using your feet like Fred Flintstone.

DON'T WEAR TOO MUCH PROTECTION. Novice drivers won't have the need for speed, but will have the need for maneuverability. Layering yourself in clothes is one thing, but if you resort to kneepads, elbow pads and a chest protector, your bulky body will have difficulty negotiating hills and turns.

CHOOSE YOUR RIDE WISELY. If you only need an ATV for watering the lawn or picking up the mail, get the smallest, cheapest ride on the market, such as an Arctic Cat 250 2X4 ($3,599). If you're a frequent beach rider, you need a sportier machine, like the Yamaha 600R Raptor ($6,499), and if you're constantly riding rugged terrain, purchase something like a Kawasaki Prairie 650 ($6,999) that'll provide four-wheel drive, killer suspension and maximum shock absorption.

AVOID ITCHY AND SCRATCHY. Sweat plus dirt plus a tight helmet makes your head itch. Scratching your head will border on nirvana, but who has time for a scalp massage when you're shredding a mountainside? Wear helmet liners or a bandanna under your helmet to protect your scalp from colossal discomfort.

MOVE YOUR BODY. Be rider active. This means standing up on the ATV when you're ascending a hill and leaning back when you're descending. It also means leaning your body into a turn even if it means moving half your ass off the seat.

KEEP IT COPACETIC. Riding ATVs isn't like riding automobiles. How often have you driven to the mall and couldn't remember a thing about the voyage? Well, that shit won't fly on an ATV. The instant you begin fantasizing about what you're gonna do to your girlfriend later or about a fantasy football draft, it's time to take a breather. If you're not mentally alert at all times, you will get hurt.

MAKING BAIL. There will be times when no matter how gifted a driver you are (and if you're reading this, you're probably not) you will need to bail off the machine -- fast. No ATV instructor can give you a foolproof way of avoiding harm in this worst-case scenario, but suffice it to say you must do everything in your power to bail off the machine so that the machine won't land on your head. If you don't use the acronym S.I.P.D.E. (scanning, identify, predict, decide, execute) a 600-pound ATV may put you in the M.O.R.G.U.E.

Photos by Kevin Wing